Twice I started writing this blog post this afternoon when I somehow hit the wrong button, heard a very nasty beep and then all my words went flying into cyberspace and thus it made me extremely cross and irritated so now I have decided that perhaps I should type this in Word first so I can copy, paste and save. Inspiration rarely hits twice never mind three times. I will not let technology beat me!!
I was attempting to write while Ian was gone playing floor hockey – in blissful silence but because of my technical difficulties this did not occur. Now he is home making a huge racket. He is talking; emptying the dishwasher in a most annoying fashion ...... does he not get the hint when I answer the onslaught of his questions with one word answers that I need creative silence to prevail?
This afternoon I am having a cuppa tea while reading Rob Bell’s new book about Heaven and Hell. I can see why some in our Evangelical world are getting their knickers in a knot. He is presenting some very interesting points that I think merit some discussion. I am happy to report that my knickers are not knotted yet and once I finish the book I will be able to give you my opinion. You may not want my opinion but it is my blog so there. I think we may all be in for a shock when we get to heaven. We have absolutely no idea what business God does with people right before they die. We are not God so we can’t possibly know. We are not the judge. I wish I knew this truth years ago – it would have saved me a lot of heartache.
When my kids were little, things were so easy to fix. A hug, kiss, cuddle, story, band-aid or jelly bean fixed most issues. But matters of the heart are a completely different can of worms. And I was not ready or prepared for this. Nobody ever told me that I would feel my daughter’s pain of a breaking heart as if it were my own. Wow!! Hey, I can’t fix this one. And I sigh. I sigh with the knowledge that it is time to let go and let my little girl grow up. This is all part of life – learning how to get over something, learning how to navigate relationships, learning to be disappointed. Mom can’t fix everything. I can’t make someone like her. I can’t make them see how amazing she is. I’m her Mom so of course I think she is amazing. Wisdom says step back and let her make her own tracks and solve her own issues. It’s time.
But I can pray. That I can do. I pray that she will survive the broken hearts of teenagedom and that these experiences will make her into a fine wife & mother someday. I pray that her "husband to be" navigates these years well and that someday when they are ready, they will meet and her heart will have the romance and wonder she desires. And my heart will soar with her happiness and that will be wonderful.
Those of you who are not in this stage of life yet may learn from my experience of things not to say when your teenage daughter has had her heart crushed:
#1 There are lots of other fish in the sea.
#2 You are only 16, you know high school romances rarely last.
#3 You may have to kiss a few toads before you get the prince.
#4 Why do you still like someone when they made it clear they don’t like you? How stupid is that?
#5 Hey, I have a few nice boys whose Moms I know, perhaps one of them could be the object of your affections?
#6 Time heals all.
#7 This experience will build character.
#8 Go listen to Fifteen by Taylor Swift.
#9 Yes, you have to go to school.
And last not but not least
#10 Suck it up buttercup!!
I of course said many more idiotic things that also got the death glare and eyeball roll. But today she smiled and with a grin says “You know a few nice boys???” Ah, she will survive and so will I. Ah matters of the heart, all part of growing up. In the wise words of my daughter "to never risk your heart means you never get to experience the joy" And she is right, risking your heart is always the right choice!
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