The Power of Forgiveness & Love

So yesterday my Erica comes home from shopping with a friend and she shows me a shirt she bought for a school dance she is going to next week. I take one look at it and before I can filter my thoughts I blurt out “That is one ugggggly shirt. It is uglier than the shirt Rupert from Survivor wears!” Ian and Mark look at me in stunned silence; their faces say to me that I just said the most stupidest thing ever. Deep down I know they agreed with me but they were not so foolish as to verbalize their thoughts. What was I thinking? It is not like I had to wear the said item of clothing. I can’t even blame it on PMS  As if on cue, she gets slightly offended and says so and then goes to her room in a rather dramatic manner. I am thinking that it probably was not one of my best motherhood moments. There goes the mother of the year award. I was in the midst of making a Turkey Dinner and figured I’d set things right as soon as possible. I knew right away I was wrong. Angel on my left shoulder: Parents, don’t exasperate your children. Devil on my right shoulder: It is OK Lise, you were just telling the truth, she should toughen up. Right after we eat, yep, that is when I’ll make it right..........

That is when my sweet girl taught me a lesson about forgiveness again. As we sat down to eat she turns to me and apologizes for getting mad. She did not justify her actions, just said sorry even though I think she had every right to be quite ticked with me. If someone said that to me I wouldn’t have been so gracious. I would have given them a tongue lashing. Oh sigh, how rude I was and how lovely she was. At that moment my heart melted as I saw in her a genuineness to not hold accounts. How is it that my children are teaching me to be a better person?

If this was a first time occurrence I would have just chalked it up to the fact that she had taken a happy pill or she wanted something from me BUT two other times in the past month she has showed me the power of forgiveness. Once when I was parenting her and she disagreed with me; I gave her the classic line of “You’ll do as I say because I am your mother and I will not discuss this and that’s it, now buzz off”. Then I got super agitated as she tried to engage me in conversation about it further. Did the gal not hear me the first time? Then, shortly after, she apologizes to me. No justification, no trying to prove her point. Just “Mom, I am sorry I spoke so disrespectfully to you. I was disappointed but shouldn’t have reacted that way” Oh. That took the wind out of my sails. The issue we were disagreeing about seemed not so important anymore.

Erica also had a situation at school where she found out something that was painful for her to accept and she reacted in a way that was totally inappropriate. I talked to her and understood why she reacted the way she did. I am sure most would have done the same. But she was so embarrassed because she knew that she said things she never should have said, she said them because she felt angry, hurt and betrayed. I left her alone with her thoughts and music and I knew the Lord was working in her. Then all on her own she set out to make things right. She told me she knew what she had to do and she was pretty intent on getting things made right. She apologized and forgave and chose to be a bigger person than I could ever hope to be. I cried because I realized she is choosing life and love instead of resentment and bitterness. I was ashamed because even at the age of 44 I don’t have that same ability. Dear World: please don’t take away my daughters ability to see the best in everyone always. Dear God: please keep her heart soft and loving.


How do we enter into living a life of forgiveness? How do we forgive our parents, co-workers, friends when they wrong us? When we are treated unjustly, our society tells us that we have so many rights. Nobody has the right to say that or think that about us. We so want to set things right or exact revenge. It is dying to our “rights” that gives us freedom in our lives. I think the Christian Faith is all about love and forgiveness. It is not about rules, rituals and whether we are a Baptist or a Catholic. If we have not love we have nothing. Love overcomes evil.

I read this story of a family that forgave their mother’s murderer. Now who could do that? I mean really. Why should we forgive the rapist, child molester....... They don’t deserve our forgiveness. Maybe not. But we need to forgive so that we can live amazing, full lives. The murdered woman’s daughter said “If we give that feeling of hate or anger power over us, we are a slave to it and it can and will destroy us. Evil happens to good people, just like it happens to bad people. Holding unforgiveness only hurts us.”

For over 35 years I held unforgiveness in my heart for many reasons – all of them quite justifiable but it wasn’t until I let go of the pain of it all that I could live a free life in Jesus. I had to be honest. I wish with all my heart that I had learned that lesson in my teens. But some of us have to learn the hard way.

So thank you my sweet Erica for teaching me everyday how to be a better person. You are an amazing, extraordinary young lady who can expect amazing, extraordinary things. I must give credit to Reepicheep, the mouse in Narnia, for his quote on the extraordinary. He was a mouse who chose well.

So forgive before you are offended my friends and you will live a life of peace and happiness. Doesn't mean bad things won't happen cause they will. You will be disappointed, betrayed, you will have your heart broken, you will be angry but in the end you will surrender your will to the Father's and rest in the knowledge that He is in control.